Divorce-Gate

More than one person has asked whether we could have a blog on the site that talks about divorce/separation.  There are plenty of separated WoMos who have been through or are going through a divorce.  This brings with it a challenge of juggling not only a job and kids, but the emotional roller coaster of the break up of a marriage. 

I have done it, and it wasn’t easy.  I’m not sure anyone ever sits down and says ‘hey that was an easy divorce’, and if you are able to say that, please write a blog for us.  We would love to hear about it! 

In terms of advice, and how to support WoMos going through this journey, there are a few helpful tips that the WoMo community have shared to help you through:

  • Tell your employer what you are going through.  If you feel you don’t have a strong enough relationship with your line manager, tell a colleague.  Someone you can trust who will support you.
  • Ask for time off if you need it.  It may not be an entire day off but if you need to come in a bit later, or take time off to see a solicitor, mediator, the school etc, ask for it.
  • Explain to your employer it’s a challenging time.  By being open you are more likely to get the support you need. 
  • If you have school age children, talk to the school.  Let them know what’s going on at home and ask them to contact you if there are concerns at school.
  • Find time for you and your own wellbeing.  This is hard and it is really easy to forget when you are focusing on a job, the kids and running a home.  Whether it’s seeing a friend for a catch up, an hour in the gym or a massage, do it.  Keeping yourself in a good place will help you keep strong for everything and everyone else.
  • Delegate a good mate or family member your go-to person.  Tell them it’s their role and ask them to be there for you when you call.  Explain if they are busy to call you back as soon as they can.  Then you know, that when things really get tough, you’ve got a shoulder to cry on/someone to talk to at short notice.
  • Communicate with your children only information that is age appropriate.
  • Keep them out of the conflict as much as you can and make sure the children aren’t used a weapon between you and your ex. 
  • Focus on the end outcome.  Write it down and read it when things feel too much.  Detail the arrangement and plan that you want and take it with you when you see a mediator. 
  • And if you can divorce calmly and kindly with your ex, all the better. 

Hang in there.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and it doesn’t have to be a shouting match.