Dating after divorce

I was asked to do a guest blog for WoMo Network and I thought this would be a helpful subject.  I find myself dating, with two relatively young children.  The divorce is done, the system is in place and I'm back out there.  But it's different.  I am different.  I have been through a journey where I promised someone I’d be with them forever.  I made vows and I expected to be with that person for a lifetime. 

Being back out on the dating scene after so many years is terrifying, but somehow dating in my 40s as a (well nearly) grown up, I see things through new eyes.  I have learned a few things already…

1)      Boundaries.  Have them.  Know what you want and stick with it.  If he doesn’t like it, move on.  Those days of trying to please a date are long gone.  I don’t feel like Im trying to impress.

2)      Be yourself.  You are you.  By meeting someone as your authentic self you are bring the real deal to the table.

3)      Texting.  Oh my word… this is the worst thing that has changed since my dating days back in my 20s.  Fine, send a text but if it’s getting into a long text/whatsapp chat, pick up the phone.  Phone calls seem to have died off in the dating world, don’t be afraid to actually speak to the person.  You will learn a whole lot more in a short space of time.

4)      Fast track.  Those early days of dragging it out to seem cool, are no more.  If you like someone, go with it.  I have a friend who met a guy at a party, then dated him for 3 nights the following week.  They are still together months later. If it feels right, go with it.  Whatever works works! 

5)      No rules.  Point 4 brings me nicely onto point 5, there are no rules.  If you want to see your date 3 nights on the trot and it works for you both, then do it.  If you are away for 3 weeks and not much of a communicator, then do it.  Whatever works for you both, works.  And if it doesn’t work for one of you, he’s not the right one.

6)      Kids.  Keep your date AWAY from the kids.  Until you know this person is a keeper, the kids don’t need to know.  It depends on the age of your kids, so there is no hard and fast guideline on this, but trust your gut instinct on when is the right time for the kids to meet the new person in your life. 

7)      One person at a time.  Unless you have the emotional capacity to date multiple people at once, start with one.  If it doesn’t work out, end it and move on.  The multiple people thing is complicated and if you are a busy WoMo, I’m not sure how you’d even juggle the diary!

8)      Social media.  Take it slow.  Posting photos of your new squeeze before you are sure he’s a long term prospect, could be a bit premature.  Pace yourself, particularly if you have older kids on social media. 

And finally, good luck!  Enjoy it, try and relax and be you. 

Thank you to our guest blogger who has asked to remain anonymous.   Guess she doesnt want her dates to know her top tips!