The joy of lockdown (use very sarcastic tone as you read that) has without question given me thinking space. If you are prone to anxiety, that thinking can space can tie you up in all sorts of knots, and I know it did with me from time to time.
Whilst in it (the lockdown spell), I don’t think I recognised the benefit of the headspace. I hated it when my mind was running at a million miles and hour with a mental image of tons of tabs open on my laptop, with thoughts such as:
What shall I cook for dinner?
What time as the Ocado order coming?
Have I de-fleaed the dog?
Where did I lead the dog lead?
Did the teens eat breakfast?
When do I need to change the sheets again?
How long can you REALLY leave a bathroom before it needs a proper scrub?
When will the cleaner be back?
Did I send that birthday card to my Dad?
Shit! I forgot to phone back Claire.
Double shit! I didn’t call my mother
Why do I still have such a sore elbow?
Anyone else feel like their brain operates that way?
Yet as we have begun to resurface and I have read more (ok, Audible listening, but it’s good when walking the dog) I have dug into the emotions of being a woman. I know, from years in corporate life, I have pushed down my feelings to behave in a way that I thought was expected in the board room. As a woman we can be criticised as being too forceful, direct, bitchy, emotional, hysterical or volatile. Many of those adjectives would never be used to decribe a man.
Plenty has been written about this so it isn’t new news, but how can we as women be authentic in the workplace, acknowledge who we really are and show our feelings as they arise? I hope there will be a time when we can be true to our souls, allow our feminity to reign through and demonstrate that female empathy changes lives and businesses.
This article gives some great stats on the benefits of women at the top. A report by McKinsey Global Institute found ‘if every country could narrow its gender gap at the same historical rate as the fastest-improving nation in its regional peer group, the world could add $12 trillion to its annual gross domestic product by 2025.’
I am beginning to learn, in my mid 40s that vulnerability and accepting help is giving me an inner strength I didn’t expect. Admitting when I am angry, sad, afraid or quite frankly in a rage, and letting the emotion flow a) clears it 100 times faster, and b) is the authentic me. Now just to be more open in the work place about perceived ‘negative’ emotions.