Seven ways, through self-kindness, to nourish yourself and create a life authentic to you.
Being a working mom is no joke. It involves a near-constant juggle of demands, priorities, and needs. Being a mom, as any mom knows, is an all-encompassing role in itself. This means that when you add paid employment to the mix, you are, actually, working two jobs. This applies whatever your childcare arrangement is: no matter what, your thoughts and concerns for your child will always – always – be bubbling away in your brain, even if subconsciously.
When you return to work with the gold-plated title of “Working Mom,” the rules of the game, as you knew it, no longer apply to you. Gone are the days of being able to stay late on a whim, or spontaneously, carefreely taking on that extra project just because you can. You must consider the puzzle of your life whose pieces are always in flux. If I stay late, will I make it home in time for bedtime? If I take on the extra project, will it crimp on my mom time?
You can do it, you can be a working mom, undoubtedly, because you are a warrior who has birthed another soul into this world, but it will be hard. You will be brave, and also tired; unfazed, and also frantic. Your capabilities will be both endless and finite. Through it all, and above all, please remember this: be kind to yourself. Here are some ways how:
Acceptance. You are kind to yourself by first accepting how difficult it is to be a working mom. At times it can seem to be a near-impossible mandate. You must be clear on this with yourself, and it often helps immensely to connect with other working moms about the reality of it. Any working mom gets this to their core.
Surrender. You are kind to yourself by surrendering to your exhaustion when you have to. The transition back to paid employment is not to be underestimated, mentally, physically, or emotionally. On the days when you feel you are minimally functioning, which will happen, you step away from your laptop and take a walk or (if working from home) a snooze.
Acknowledgement. You are kind to yourself by acknowledging if you feel like a different person after becoming a mom. Your colleagues may not appreciate this, and will expect you to walk back in exactly as you walked out. To counteract this, you can share, honestly and authentically, from your own unique experience about who you now are as a mom.
Permission. You are kind to yourself by giving yourself permission to prioritise your own well-being – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and any other kind. You find ways, such as doing things just for pleasure, to nourish yourself and fill yourself up, and make time for them. You communicate your needs and desires to others and set boundaries to preserve them.
Patience. You are kind to yourself by being patient with yourself to ease back in to work at your own pace. After maternity leave, many women feel their brains are a little slower, a little bit like mush, less able to connect the dots in real time. In time, you will feel parts of your brain reigniting and the haziness will lift. Your own pace is the perfect pace.
Honesty. You are kind to yourself by being honest with yourself about your feelings. Maybe you feel simultaneously happy to be back at work but sad to be away from your baby. Or, sad to be back at work but happy to have some space from your baby. Check in with yourself every day as you would a best friend and ask, How am I today?
Grace. You are kind to yourself when you grant yourself grace to take it one day at a time, or even one moment to the next. As a working mom, you ride the wave and see where the flow takes you. Let kindness for yourself radiate from inside out, creating space for you to continue to design your life as authentic to you, knowing that whatever happens, you can always choose another choice.
Megan Elizabeth Gray is a lawyer, writer, mother, and advocate for women. She is currently Associate Counsel at Condé Nast, and she published her first book, "Enjoy Your Life: Thoughts for Awakened Daughters from Conscious Mothers" on the last day of her maternity leave with her daughter, Lily, all proceeds of which she is donating to domestic violence charities (available on Amazon and Kindle). She welcomes your connection on LinkedIn.